Matt Striker handled the announcing duties.
(1) Brodus Clay (w/Cameron and Naomi) defeated Michael McGillicutty. Virtually a squash match. McGillicutty was back to wearing his traditional ring gear. The so-called Funkasaurus won with a splash – pretty much a match you might see on Superstars. In fact, I’m pretty sure I did see this match on Superstars last month. After the match, the Funkasaurus and Funkadactyls danced with the kiddies (one of whom actually had some pretty good dance moves).
Matt Striker was about to introduce the next match, but he was interrupted by Vickie Guerrero. It was hard to hear what she was saying over all the boos, but the upshot was that we could vote as to whether A.J. would be added to the Eve vs. Kaitlyn match for the Divas Title later in the night.
(2) U.S. champion Antonio Cesaro defeated Jack Swagger and R-Truth in a triple threat match to retain the U.S. Title. Cesaro came out first to some boos, which only increased after he delivered a promo telling us he was our champion whether us soft Americans liked it or not. Swagger came out next to a mixed reaction. Truth came out last to a huge ovation after being announced as from Charlotte. Lots of USA chants. Truth had the upper hand early and cleared the ring. Cesaro and Swagger formulated a plan, but it soon fell apart. Cesaro was sent to the outside and Truth and Swagger battled in the ring. Then, Swagger was thrown outside and Truth and Cesaro went at it. Standard triple threat match. The end came when Cesaro tried a sunset flip from the outside on Swagger, but Truth caught him with a slingshot into Swagger’s nether regions. Cesaro rolled outside, and Truth hit Little Jimmy on Swagger. But, Cesaro pulled Truth out of the ring and got the pin himself. Good match and Cesaro continues to impress.
(3) Zack Ryder defeated Corey Graves in a special attraction match. Ryder came out first, then Graves came out and cut a promo on his way to the ring introducing himself and mocking Ryder’s social media presence. Graves said he’ll become famous the old fashioned way, by embarrassing people like Ryder. He then said he had a new hashtag for Ryder: BooHooHooGravesJustKickedMyAss. Um, okay. The crowd started a “Who Is This Guy?” chant. Decent enough match. Graves got some offense in, but Ryder won with the Ruff Ryder.
Dolph Ziggler had a video promo hyping his match with John Cena.
Eve was out first for a Divas Title match, then Kaitlyn. Then, Striker announced that we had voted A.J. into the match, much to Eve’s dismay.
(4) Divas champion Eve Torres defeated A.J. Lee and Kaitlyn in a triple threat match to retain the Divas Title. The crowd was way more into this than the normal Divas match. A.J. got a good reaction and lots of chants over the course of the match. Eve was getting some good heat by the end. A.J. and Kaitlyn worked together at first, but Eve created some dissension by slapping A.J. in the ass from behind and making it seem like Kaitlyn did it. Of note, Eve had the Madison Rayne wave going. A.J. was thrown to the outside and Eve hit the Heartbreaker on Kaitlyn. A.J. ran into the ring and grabbed the referee’s arm to stop the count. Eve objected to this, but A.J. rolled her up for the pin. The crowd popped big for the supposed title change. But, Vickie quickly appeared on the ramp and said A.J. needed to follow the rules and couldn’t go around grabbing referees. She ordered the match restarted. Eve almost immediately hit the Heartbreaker on A.J. for the pin. Eve quickly headed for higher ground, while A.J. chased Vickie to the back.
Next was John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler. Vickie Guerrero came out with Dolph. Huge ovation for Cena. The Cena Sucks chants were in the distinct minority. Not too long into the match, Vickie slapped Cena and the referee ejected her. (Isn’t she his boss? Couldn’t she just overrule him?)
(5) John Cena defeated Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero). Excellent match with Ziggler in control most of the way. The crowd was super-hot. Ziggler blocked the Five Knuckle Shuffle and Attitude Adjustment and Cena kicked out of the Zig-Zag. After a while, there was a ref bump. Cena put Ziggler in the STF and he tapped, but there was no referee to see it. Cena went to check on the ref, and Ziggler attacked him. This led to a double clothesline with both men down. Vickie came back down and grabbed the MITB briefcase and got ready to hit Cena as he staggered to his feet. However, A.J. ran down and took the briefcase from her. She threatened to hit Vickie with it, and Vickie wrapped her arms around Cena in a rather suggestive position to try and protect herself. Eventually, Vickie was chased from the ring. Ziggler ran at A.J., but she clocked him with the briefcase. Cena hit the AA and the referee miraculously recovered to record the pin.
Post-match, A.J. and Cena celebrated, but A.J. quickly left the ring before anything interesting happened. Match of the night.
(6) Santino Marella defeated Tensai. Tensai was announced as hailing from Parts Unknown. Standard Santino comedy focused on multiple unsuccessful attempts to lift Tensai. Tensai yelled at Santino that he was an embarrassment. I didn’t realize he spoke English. After missing on several earlier attempts, Santino hit the Cobra for the win.
A video from Kane and Daniel Bryan aired. They said that after being attacked by The Shield, they were bringing a new dynamic to their team.
(7) Team Hell No defeated Primo & Epico (w/Rosa Mendes) to retain the Tag Titles. Kane started for Team Hell No, while Epico reluctantly started for the challengers. For a while it looked like this was going to be a squash, but Primo and Epico did manage to get some offense in by isolating Bryan. Bryan and Kane were on the same page tonight and there was none of the bickering we’ve seen in the past. Eventually Bryan got the hot tag to Kane, who came in as the proverbial house a-fire. Kane chokeslammed Primo and Epico simultaneously tapped out to the No Lock, while Rosa hid.
Next was C.M. Punk vs. Ryback in the main event. Mixed reaction for Punk and good reaction for Ryback. The crowd was into the “Feed Me More” chants and Punk heeled it up big time. He really got into it with a fan in front of me and invited him into the ring to establish his manhood (or lack thereof). He also got into it with some woman, who might have spit at him. I couldn’t really tell, but it seemed like someone got removed by security, much to Punk’s delight.
(8) Ryback beat WWE champion C.M. Punk via DQ; Punk retained the WWE Title. Punk stalled a lot early. He couldn’t get much offense in, then decided to talk a walk, but Ryback ran up the ramp and brought him back in. Punk gained the advantage and hit some double axe-handles off the top rope. Ryback caught him on the third one and slammed him into the corner. Punk appeared to tweak his left knee mid-way through the match, but worked through it. Punk connected with some running knees and the Macho Man elbow, but nothing seemed to hold Ryback down. Ryback hit the Meat Hook clothesline and called out to “Finish It!” He had Punk set up for Shell Shocked and was marching him around the ring when The Shield ran into the ring from out of nowhere and started attacking Ryback, resulting in the DQ.
Post-match, Punk rolled out of the ring, but this time Ryback was able to fight off The Shield and threw them outside, too. Team Hell No ran down and started brawling with Shield all the way up the ramp. Punk tried to attack Ryback from behind with the belt, but Ryback blocked it. He then hit Shell Shocked on Punk to send the crowd home…happy. Punk was bleeding from the mouth as he rolled out of the ring. Ryback then cut a promo saying he was going to win the WWE Title at TLC and when The Rock asks at the Royal Rumble if he smells what The Rock is cooking, he will answer “Feed Me More!” Then, he greeted fans and posed for pictures to close the show.
Overall, a very fun show. Cena-Ziggler was the match of the night.
- John Cena
- Team Hell No
- Vickie Guerrero
- C.M. Punk
- Dolph Ziggler
- Antonio Cesaro
- Eve Torres